Si Kepala Aneh

- Tulisan kecil untuk gundah yang besar.-

Sore penuh hujan ini sedikit berat.
Sudah kubilang bukan? 
Tidak seharusnya dia berdiam diri di tengah hujan.
Kepala aneh itu kembali penuh dengan pikiran-pikiran tidak pentingnya

Sebenarnya dia tidak tau ini salah siapa
Dia juga tidak tau sebenarnya letak salahya itu dimana

Kadang dia bingung.
Siapa dia?
Apa tujuannya?
Kenapa?
Apa alasannya?
Untuk apa?
Kalau dia begini, jadinya bagaimana? 
Kalau dia begitu, salah tidak ya?

Dia sedih. Karena dia tidak tau untuk apa dia bersedih.
Dia merasa bersalah, karena dia mudah sekali merasa lelah.
Dia lelah, karena kepalanya penuh dengan rasa bersalah.

Ah, kadang kalimat-kalimat kecil yang menjadi bahan canda juga menyinggung perasaannya.
Kalau dia tidak terima, nanti akan ada kalimat penegur yang lebih menyakitkan. "Ah, kamu baperan"
Begitu.

Dia ingin kuat dan menjadi batu karang.
Dia ingin menjadi sandaran dan tempat pulang.
Tapi dia egois dan memiliki lisan yang menyakitkan.

Dia ingin menjadi menyenangkan.
Tapi candanya saja kadang terdengar menyebalkan.

Dia ingin sekali tutup telinga pada beberapa pertanyaan yang menyinggung rasa.
Dia ingin tutup telinga dan berhenti mencari alasan mengapa ada yang berbeda.

Sebenarnya tidak sulit untuk menjadi dewasa.
Yang sulit adalah bagaimana caranya menerima.

Dia sedang dilema
Karena dia belum mampu menerima.

Semoga semesta mau bekerja sama.
Bersedia sabar mengajarkan cara menerima
Sampai nanti tiba waktunya
Dia bisa lebih dari sekadar menerima.

Semoga saja dia sadar, bahwa sebenarnya dia tidak apa
Dia hanya sedang dipermainkan sang 'isi kepala'
Semoga dia segera pulih dari gundahnya.
Semoga.

- Sidoarjo, 6 April 2020-


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